The Book of (even more) AWESOME! part 8,9,10

hey everybody today i am going to blog about part 8,9,10 in the book of awesome.

Part 8: when batteries are included…batteries

I’m the Robin Hood of batteries.

Since I am an extremely cheap person I always rob from the rich, battery-filled remotes on my couch and give to the poor new gadgets laying on my counter. I stumble around Sherwood Living Room, clicking open plastic battery doors, hunting for dependable double-As to get the job done.

Of course, this battery robbery always backfires next time I sit down to watch a flick. I plop onto the couch and pick up the lighter-than-usual remote and then curse my former self for screwing my current self. Then the camera pans to another scene of me stumbling around again, this time battery-jacking the poor so I can feed the rich.

It’s a terrible, neverending cycle.

That’s what makes it special when batteries are included. That’s what makes it special when when you yank open the new Baby Farts-So-Real and there’s a small, plastic-wrapped case of cheapo batteries from the Taiwanese black market sitting in the box.

Sure, sure, maybe those knockoff Ultra-Power or Extra-V Vvoltage batteries don’t inspire the most confidence, but whatever man, because surprise batteries are a big win every time.

It’s like the company is saying “Come on, let’s get going, people.”

“First round’s on us.”

AWESOME!

part 9: when it feels like the lyrics to the song you’re listening to were written just for uplease-dont-stop-the-music

Maybe a quiet haze drifts in your dorm as you worry about upcoming exams and patchy friendships. Maybe your heart just got flattened by a runaway relationship and the knots in your stomach are twisting and burning. Or maybe you’re trekking cross-country with a backpack and a dream and are suddenly sucker-punched with a jabby stab of loneliness.

When you’re pumped up, pumped down, shaken sideways or rattled around, it’s always comforting to share a moment with a song or lyric that perfectly reflects your mood. Sometimes it seems like they’re singing right to you.

So come on and smile along, nod quietly to the song, and push ahead, plow forward, and soldier right on.

AWESOME!

part 10: correctly guessing if the door is push or pullpush-pull

Doors can be trouble.

Strutting to the mall, strolling to the store, you spy those glassy doubles in the distance just waiting for you to size them up and give them a big push or pull.

Sure, it looks easy, but we all know it’s nothing but.

Nope, thanks to years of tense negotiations, backroom deals, and political infighting, theInternational Alliance for Door Design Consistency has reached a suffocating stalemate in its goal of coming up with one door we can all understand. So while those corporate bigwigs give each other evil eyes in smoky boardrooms We The People are left figuring it out on the front lines, door by door, day by day.

It sucks when you make the wrong move, too. Pull a push or push a pull and you’re suddenly five years old again. Forget the chemistry exam, gym class, or company meeting you’re about to attend — now you’re suddenly a toddler staring back at the waiting crowd with wide eyes, untied laces, and thick boogers snaking down your upper lip.

Yes, that’s why swinging open a confusing door on the first try is such a great high. You just saved yourself ahorrible second of humiliation and are now coasting smoothly through life in the fast lane.

AWESOME!

 

 

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